Archive for the ‘Marriage Tips’ Category

Couples therapy doesn’t work!!

And yes, I’ve dedicated my entire professional career to teaching people how to love.

But the fact is, couples therapy doesn’t work. They come out of counseling closer to splitting than when they went in!

It’s not that the therapy itself is ineffective.

Nope! It’s because most couples wait until there’s something glaringly wrong in their relationship before they ask for help or receive relationship education. Here’s an example: if you wait to get a cavity before you go to the dentist, you may be in for a root canal (and a world of pain) …or if you wait long enough, you could even lose that tooth. It’s the same principle with your relationship.

By putting one piece of knowledge into action – it doesn’t have to be like that. In fact, with this one piece of knowledge, you could have all your friends, family and the whole neighborhood asking themselves, “How do they stay so in love? What are they doing differently?”

So here it is… the MOST important thing you need to know to set yourself up for the most successful relationship that you’re capable of… and apart from the more than half of couples who either get divorced or stay together in an unhappy relationship!

*As early on in the relationship as you can, while you’re still excited about one another, set at least an hour a week aside to learn something new or do something different for the relationship.*

These days, you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own living room to get information. It’s simple, fun and something you can look forward to. During this one hour of time, read a love story together, take an online seminar, talk to a couple that’s been together for a while and find out their secrets. It may seem weird at first (anything new usually is) but it means you’ll be closer and more in love than you thought possible.

Once you feel what a big difference it begins to make over the long-term, you’ll be kicking yourself for not doing it up until now!

What are some of the ideas you do, or have done, to be as in love as you are today?

PS – Stay tuned because in February I am going to be dishing out all kinds of simple secrets on how to stay madly in love with your partner. (And it’s not your mother’s relationship advice!)

PPS - If you love this article and have a friend who would benefit, share the love!

To engage in realistic love is to be in a relationship where both parties understand what they want – from themselves and from each other. This positive psychology can build a relationship based on real connection. The problem, however, is that most of us don’t know what the hell we want. I see it often with my clients in my private practice, so I know it firsthand.

 

So, here’s the key: first get to know what you want before getting seriously involved with someone else. This is emotional evolution. And it will lead to relational evolution.

 

Most married couples have never asked themselves that question. If you were to ask yourself that, what would be your answer? Share with me here!

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There’s one key to a successful marriage: Being able to know what we want, and to then be able to communicate it to our partner.

 

You must find a way to be together that brings out the best in both of you. In this way, the relationship becomes strength-based. In this way, you ultimately become responsible for creating your partnership, and for rediscovering the intimacy and romance. It is communication on a deeply emotional level. And you must understand that whether you are doing something or nothing, you are always communicating something. Every minute of every day, you and your partner are either getting closer to one another, or further apart. You must recognize the different forms of communication: verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, and cognitive.

 

Your relationship with your significant other has an impact on everything in your life – your health, your financial situation, your relationships with your children, everything, even including the legacy that you leave when you are long gone.

 

But you can make a difference. You can join this war against divorce with me and other Modern Monogamists.

 

We can help change the future in a way that transcends our own marriages and our own lives. Through our collective efforts at redefining commitment, we can help make society itself a better place, helping to propel it into the kind of society where, ultimately, people thrive on the most deep and intimate feelings the universe has made available to us. The kind of society where even war is deflected, and love – true love – becomes the new backdrop of civilization.

 

Are you joining me? If you’re joining me, let me know in the comments section. So that you don’t miss out on more juicy info… Enter your name and email below to get my tips delivered right to your inbox.

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Seriously, we’re failing so miserably at marriage. So, let’s change it.

 

My job as the Modern Monogomist, is in part, to raise awareness about the importance of the commitment we make to the person with whom we choose to take our life journey.

 

Here’s an interesting fact: thousands of years ago, marriage was a business transaction – a way to protect yourself or a way to perpetuate the species. “Love” never came into play –au contraire. In China, love was seen as a threat; in India, lovers were deemed anti-social; in Africa, love was alienating and in Greece, love was considered a mental illness. Not until the 1500s did marriage become something that was celebrated. Somewhere, along the lines, that all changed. But, we’ve went from one extreme to another. Let me explain.

 

We are expected to maintain this intense, profound, happily-ever-after for the rest of our natural lives, yet we are left on our own to figure out how to do it successfully.

 

What if we treated everything in our life like we do marriage?

 

We would be unprepared; we would be completely unrealistic and irresponsible; we would base everything relating to our lives on an attraction that happens because of chemicals that wear off sooner than we realize. Just like any strong building, marriage needs a strong foundation.

 

What if marriage came with a better foundation? What if we lived in a world where happily-ever-after was redefined? A world where love – realistic love – ruled the day?

 

What if?

 

What do you think? Leave us a comment and let us know. Share on your Facebook page, too!
Stay tuned for Part #2.

 

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1. Follow through with something you said you would do, but never did.
2. Show him exactly how to please you.
3. Initiate a talk about painful or pleasurable memories of people and situations from your childhood together
4. When you feel anger towards him, take a step back for 5 minutes. Look first at yourself and what you may have contributed to the anger.
5. Be conscious of your self-talk after an argument (guess what? We can convince ourselves of almost anything when we’re angry!).
6. Acknowledge and challenge your limiting beliefs about the way you feel about him.
7. Do NOT talk to your friends or family in a negative way about your relationship issues.
8. Learn Tantra ASAP.
9. Feed him the last bite of that yummy dessert.
10. Pay attention to the little things he likes- like his favorite candy or beverage. Surprise him with them occasionally.
11. Defend him if someone says something negative about him.
12. Focus on the things you love about him and who he really is instead of wishing he did “this” or had “that”.
13. Be sure to welcome him home enthusiastically and warmly with affection.
14. Cater to his inner-child within every once in a while (but avoid being Mommy… that’s just a turn off).
15. Talk about things that interest him, like his favorite team or TV show.
16. Support his goals and dreams by encouraging him to talk about them more.
17. Let him retreat to his man cave.
18. Control your emotions, don’t let them control you.
19. Surprise him with special thoughtful gifts from time to time.
20. Forgive.
21. Make him feel like a man.
22. Be trustworthy.
23. Have discretion about private affairs.
24. Show commitment by being consistent with your words and actions.
25. Be transparent.
26. Respect and take care of his belongings.
27. Support his relationships with his friends and family.
28. Be his shoulder to lean on.
29. Find out what drew him to you, and don’t ever lose it!
30. Be creative and switch things up between the sheets.
31. Always take care of your personal hygiene.
32. Giving him your full, undivided attention when he’s speaking.
33. Be a seductress at least once a week (even if you don’t feel like it at first.)
34. Display just the right amount of jealousy, but NEVER go overboard.

What will you do this week to start getting closer to your guy? Let us know!

PS - Please share on your Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest page with friends you know could use these tips!

Did you know that over 75% of the way we relate to one another is based on non-verbal communication? For such a long time, all we’ve heard from “relationship gurus” is that “good communication is the key to a successful relationship.” Unfortunately, most of the time they either don’t elaborate on what they mean or they try to teach us “communication skills” that will do the trick.

Granted, knowing how to give and receive verbally is an important skill to have in order to get along at your optimal level… but, research says that what is even more important is to be able to use your non-verbal skill to seal the deal!

Let’s take a closer look at some non-verbal communications we may not be being conscious of when hangin’ with our honey:

1. Posture makes a huge statement when relating to others. If you’re slouched over and leaning back, what are you saying? To me, it means that you’re disinterested, tired, and unfocused on what’s going on. On the other hand, if you’re sitting up straight and leaning in to your lover, without saying a word you’re saying, “I want to be close to you and see every feature that your face has to offer.” Be careful not to be too much in their face though… give them some personal space every now and then …LOL..
2. That brings us to facial expressions. Scene: You’re out together at a good friend’s birthday party. You glance across the room and notice your partner standing at the bar. As he/she is about to turn their head in your direction, you decide you’d like to send them a message with a look. What do you do? Look in the mirror and practice facial expressions that send a message that you’d want your honey to see. Maybe a look that says, “I am the luckiest person in the world to be here with you! You are so sexy!” Then, try it next time you’re out… And hey, at the very least, you’ll get a good laugh out of it when you tell them about your plan later. :o)
3. A private hand signal is an amazing tool for couples to use to communicate without speaking. My honey and I have a handshake that we use to remind us not to argue about petty things. If either of us feels anger being triggered, we take a deep breath and stick out our hand to do the handshake. When we see that hand, we know what it means and it works almost every time!
4. Sweet gestures say more then any words could EVER say! When sharing a dessert, giving your honey the last bite. It tells them they’re more important than the food. Walking to the front door when you hear your spouse coming home after work and greeting them with a big smile, kiss and hug can set the stage for a lovely evening together. One of the best gestures is to send a fun gift basket or floral arrangement to your honey’s work. It feels good when co-workers know that you are truly loved!

So remember, talking can sometimes be over rated. Show your love more then you say it and watch as your relationship gets better and better! PS - Can you help us spread the word and let others know about the love we share on this blog?